Clean up to clear up

   

So often we have relationships that get so close that we forget where,when and how they got so close that they seem like your own self. You live them so closely that you can't ever imagine yourself without them. They seem like a part of you and you identify with everything about it as yourself. The vacuum is huge if for some reason you are in conflict. These are after all two identities and its normal to have conflicts due to life situations.

     So often I look back into my life and realize how I attach myself to people and give so much of me that I receive so much in return. I have been lucky in that sense from people who I adopted as my own. Few of my own who I shared biology with, used me and walked away instead of realizing how much I did what I did coz I loved them. Lucky to find along the very difficult paths of life few good people who I shared very good and important moments with. Joys, sorrows, thoughts, ideas, problems, tears , anger, frustrations and above all time in all ways and means possible. With the world going virtual, it has become smaller and so you connect more through the virtual world. Emotions spent do make you so close and possessive. Its hard when these distances seem large and frustrations build up since you cannot share few things and thus you have walls of anger and tears. Misunderstandings build up. Egos may or may not clash but lack of communication definitely adds to the stress.

     What should one do? The stress of strained relationship that is so close to the heart and soul does affect in the subconscious mind. how much ever one tries, it is not easy to carry on your day to day activities easily. One tears up easily, gets short tempered on small things, less patience, drained emotions and tiredness that seems endless builds up. How much ever you want to move on , it drags you back and your heart seems to either tear up or weighs a tonne. We keep denying ourselves and we feel we can move on but we don't. The more we pull away the more they drag you. Every moment seems longer and the relationships loom large. How do you deal with it? Coz of egos we hang on .....the fragile egos we give them strength and relationships we thought are strong are actually fragile.Isn't it an irony? How does one get out of this state of mind?

      Not easy yes. But the easiest method I have ever followed was ...face it! The longer we postpone a dialogue the more complicated and difficult it gets. the more gaps create differences and bigger egos and so it is always better to address them. Clear up or clean up!! There is nothing inbetween that can ever solve a problem. Wait for an appropriate time when you are at peace and so is the other. half the time once you calm down , each will realize the value of the relationship and will feel its importance in life. If it is very important, both will make efforts to work on it. If not it is a good idea to reach out, be strong and clean up or clear up. Once you know where it stands, you will find it easier to move on or take it form there. If its over, clean up time ....then so be it. Move ahead however hard and it is easier as there are no expectations of it returning. And if its clear up, then life is anyways moving forward .....perhaps to the next misunderstanding in few days time after a beautiful making up session with tons of chatter and smiles. isn't that simple? So it seems....and so it is. Think about it.

because you are good

   

 Most of us do good or do favours thinking that in return the other would be indebted to do good. It is like a trade. I do for you, you do for me. Is this strategy correct? Should this be the reason behind doing good?

     Most often we do the favour and wait for the time we need help from them. When they don't we are upset and may badmouth the other since they did not return the favour. We sulk and may be rude and may cut off connections from them. This is incorrect ! We are behaving the same as them. Since they couldn't change for us, we change for them and become like them. Aren't we dropping our standards? Aren't we changing ourselves for them? Our goodness is changing for them and that is very sad.

      We did the good since we are good. Our heart is beautiful, its large and its big enough to give. Can we expect the others to have the same kind of feelings and heart? We shouldn't.... since expectations lead to disappointments. That in turn makes us bitter and nasty. Its like a chain reaction. Do not allow others to change you. instead do the good and move forward. The good will come to you on its own. The divine power shall reward in its own ways. This feeling shall bring immense peace in the mind and soul. No one has the same heart as yours, remember that and the rest will fall into place. May we all have a unique beautiful heart ! <3

You are your best company

It's strange. I felt less lonely when I didn't know you." —Jean Paul Sartre

     This message on a friend's wall made me stop in my track and I started to think about this statement. Such a strong and deep thought!

     When I look back in life I see how we often do everything in our ability to please people so that they stay with us. When we come across a relationship we want badly, we do everything in our might to make it work. Doing things that would make them happy, spend a lot of time with them and in their absence  spend time thinking of them and making it more special and closer. Our lives revolve around them. We fill ourselves with these relationships and soon lose ourselves completely in the bargain. We complete ourselves through them and feel life is complete and things would be that way always. We depend on them and support them in maximum ways possible. Giving ourselves piece by piece till we completely lose ourselves. Happy and content we think we are and we feel that the relationship shall remain completely the same over the years and the feelings shall never change in them. But does that really happen? Do relationships remain this way always? What are the repercussions?  

      No relationship remains the same. They change over the years. When you give yourself so much to the other , you are completely dependent on them and are becoming extremely vulnerable. You are inviting them and saying " come hurt me". We should be prepared for this but can we ever be fully prepared? Its like a live bomb that explodes every second. One is so lost by giving so much that one loses the relationship with oneself. Often we hear the term -"you complete me". Its sad that we allow someone to do so since we should be so much at peace with ourselves that they should be our extention. If you allow them to complete you, you lose to be incomplete in their absence and you are alone and miserable.

    Thus its important to be giving but not at the cost of oneself. never lose yourself since if you are incomplete you stand to fail on other fronts since you are constantly trying to find that missing piece of yours. being at peace with yourself such that days should pass and you shouldn't be uncomfortable with this closeness. When we are happy and complete inside, we share better parts of ourselves. So give but make sure you don't lose your part but extend yourself such that it makes you stronger and makes you believe in yourself much more. When alone, you are at peace and are complete awareness of life and happiness. 

     May each one of us finds this peace and may we be our best company since the best company spreads smiles and happiness around. 

     

Inner happiness

       

 Don't put your happiness in the hands of someone else. If you really want to be happy you have to find this happiness within yourself.......I read this today and it made me blink my eyes, I took a deep breath and then I gave a deep thought. What a strong statement it is.

          Often , rather always we associate a sign of happiness only through a person or an event or an object. "I wish I could meet this person, I would be so happy" , " I wish I could buy a big house, then I shall be happy and peaceful" , "I wish He/she was mine, I don't need anything more in my life".....Sound familiar? Oh yes , so often we hear this sentence. So often we pin our happiness in that one or many things. Is the right ? Are we not expecting a momentary happiness? Are we not placing ourselves in the mercy of something or someone else? Doesn't that make us vulnerable? Aren't we mere puppets then? 

          By placing the happiness in that person's hands, we are placing ourselves in the mercy of that person. We will be mere puppets and have no identity since we seek happiness through them. In case we don't get it, we cry in misery, curse and regret and make our lives hell. We lose all the happiness that we had at that moment since we are lost in that loss. We are allowing the other person/thing to be our master and we are mere slaves. Is it worth it? Are we not depriving ourselves of the happiness that we have but ignored since our energies were pinned on this one? 

         In the process we lose our today. We forget to find joy in small things since we are bent on a certain happiness that WE THINK is good for us. We ignore the blossoming flower, the rain , the giggling child since we are so focussed on THAT happiness. The big happiness also lies in the small happiness. The only thing is we need to open our eyes and go within. Look inside and we shall find a lot more happiness and peace. The hunger kills us and we hunt like wild animals. Instead if we look inside and found more about ourselves, calmed our minds, become content, we shall be at peace and everything we hunted for  shall lose its charm. The happiness inside shall bring so much peace that we shall smile at nearly everything around us. We shall love to smile, love and share laughter more. There will be more contentment, no competition, no envy, no fear of losing, no mad rush to conquer. Our face would glow with the calmness and inner peace and happiness. The body would be healthier and have more energy. The smiles and care would be more genuine. That is true beauty and true happiness.

        Wishing everyone the wisdom to understand this deeply and to go with in and achieve this ultimate happiness. May we stop worrying, envying, hurting and may we be really happy, peaceful and confident about ourselves through this 

         

From my heart to yours

     

As I sit on my chair today thinking about life, the urge to share it with the unknown world is immense. Why the need when I have a decent support system in my friends and family who seem to support in their ways. This need to pen down my thoughts about life comes easy coz life has shown so much in my years gone by. Many told me I am mature, speak so much sense and so many even told me to write a book. I would laugh often since I have just learnt a lot from life. I may not be able to do justice since I am not a writer. Yet I am able to talk and reach out to many coz perhaps I speak from my heart. The messages to pen down came to me in more than one ways. Hence this blog. 

       No targets, no audience, no milestones......just reach out to those who share my thoughts, who can relate to what we face in life. Just a simple need to blurt out without shame, without fear and perhaps find a purpose and another extension of myself. Mindlessly typing out and feeling those feelings come down in words in this window. Many like me perhaps may feel the same and hoping many more would come up with their own encouraged by my blog and its transparency. I don't really know how far it will go, maybe I shall delete it, maybe it would stop its flow or perhaps it would find a page every day.....who knows, so I shall give my thoughts words here and perhaps they shall have a meaning, who knows. Life is lived once or many times, who knows. For me its this life with its yesterday, today and tomorrow. having seen a lot, would be happy to write more about life and the essence of it. 

     Looking not far, commencing my journey, take me where you should LIFE. No questions just acceptance..... to make this life just more......livable and manageable. Holding on and letting go.......NOW !