Life is unpredictable. Born , growing up , blossoming , then old age.... Seems like a simple equation yet each day goes in our bag of events in life. Few are the regular but few come into life and we don't realize how they change us forever. One event changes everything else. It could be so traumatic later on than when it actually happened. Sometimes it good to be not aware of the depth of the event. Once you know more about it or learn deeply about it being right and wrong, life doesn't remain the same. Every future event gets associated with that and every day gets affected like crazy. Every moment you will stop, resist and somewhere you forget to live. It scars you for good. We may not realize where that pain of today comes from.
Many a times we say we forgive the giver of the pain and let go. We move on in life and make peace coz today is beautiful and manageable. But any untowardly action, act, event can bring back emotions you can't understand. The anger, the sadness, the pent up emotions that shape into large tears down your cheeks , suppressed breaths, the sleepless nights, the questions, the visions, the chain of events .... And so much more takes over your today when you are crossed by an event today that takes you back to the past event.
They say forgive and forget...move on, it's over and it wasn't your fault. Is it as easy? Press of a button and delete everything? Emotions and memories don't work like that. They say deleting stuff on Internet doesn't completely take away all that you post. It has some traces left. So is in life. You can't remove or delete everything. Few things remain etched in your subconscious brain however much you try for ever. The traces of it will pop up at every event just like the pop ups in your browser. Nothing can be erased. The anger of today translated from that. Few understand it. Not many can relate the today to yesterday. Few mature souls sit down and find threads and try to work on them. But you can never work enough I realize. No amount of work can erase that has scarred your soul so much.
As we grow older we are more mature and sensible. The past event may or may not have been such that it affected you. But as consciousness develops and you realize what it was , it changes your world forever. What may seem innocent and uneventful way back then actually starts to rule your life. Any small trigger can bring back memories and can bring resentment , pain, anger, frustration and much more. It affects your today how much ever you try.
How does one deal with it? Are you to live in the pain forever? No , you can't erase but what helps is when someone is able walk with you each time you are faced with such event triggers. Someone who just helps you cope with that pain on such occasions. Not everyone can do it. Not many have the depth to understand it. But few will see the tears behind the smiles , the reason behind the resistance, the stress behind the frown, the trigger behind the anger. Find those who will heal you each time. Will not let the trigger affect you that much. Will ease the pain and feel yours as their own. Have you found that someone?
